Goals are Great Until Life Takes a Detour
She never planned to be here, standing at the crossroads of her life, where dreams collided with reality. Every step had been carefully mapped out in her mind—a career, a family, a home filled with laughter. But the unexpected twists came like storm clouds, darkening her once-clear path. One moment, she was on track; the next, she was grappling with loss and uncertainty.
Even if you don't meticulously plan every step of your journey, you likely envision how you hope life will unfold. We all dream. But what happens when life derails those plans? When carefully laid goals crumble? We feel lost. Frustration sets in. Self-doubt creeps up. Failure seems inevitable.
But there’s a key to navigating tough times and overcoming the ‘fear of failure’ that often paralyzes us from pursuing anything beyond the ordinary. And it's not about clinging desperately to goals. It’s about something far more fundamental to who we are.
Values: Your Built-In GPS for Life’s Wild Ride
Our values are the foundation of our lives, guiding our choices and actions. They define who we are and what truly matters to us, independent of others' expectations. Unlike goals, which can be influenced by external pressures, values represent our authentic beliefs and priorities, shaping how we want to live and interact with the world.
Take Maya and Jake, both working hard to succeed in business:
Maya is driven by one thing: making a social impact. She knows this value is at her core. So, she starts a non-profit focused on providing educational resources to underprivileged communities. Every day, she pours her heart into empowering children. When her organization gets recognized for its impact, it’s not the award that fulfills her. It’s knowing her success has meaning. It aligns perfectly with her commitment to making a difference, which is at the heart of how she wants to live.
In contrast, Jake is driven by wealth and status. He launches a tech startup, creating an app designed to maximize user engagement—even if it compromises user well-being. The app goes viral, earning him millions and a flood of media attention. But despite the success, Jake feels empty. His achievements look impressive, yet they don’t align with his deeper values. Something’s missing. He’s left yearning for a sense of purpose that money and fame can’t provide.
When we understand our core values and live in alignment with them, we gain a deeper sense of purpose. This clarity not only guides us but also strengthens our ability to navigate life’s challenges with greater resilience and agility.
The Superpower of Values-Driven Goals
Aligning our goals with our core values won’t stop disappointment when things don’t go as planned. But it helps us see the bigger picture. Our journey becomes about more than just the final outcome. Setbacks can still be tough, but knowing we’ve remained true to our principles can provide comfort and help to anchor us.
Consider a non-profit leader who pours their energy into a community project aimed at reducing homelessness. Despite their dedication, funding falls through, and the initiative collapses. It’s easy to feel defeated. Yet, if their core values—such as compassion, service, and community—guided their efforts, they can find solace in knowing they stayed true to their mission. Even if the project didn’t succeed, the leader can take pride in the lives they touched and the awareness they raised. By remaining aligned with their values, they can view the experience as a stepping-stone toward future efforts, rather than a failure. In the end, grounding our goals in our core values reminds us there’s more to the journey than just hitting targets. It builds resilience. It keeps us moving forward, even when the path is uncertain.
Added Insight - The Pivot Spark Approach
In moments of adversity, I often refer to experiences that may be viewed as ‘failures’ as "Pivot Sparks”. This is a concept I’ve shared with many leaders and applied in my own life.
Labelling a setback as something, in this case a ‘Pivot Spark’ engages the brain’s prefrontal cortex, the centre of rational thinking, which helps reduce fear responses from the amygdala. The cognitive shift allows us to manage our emotions more effectively. Additionally, naming the experience creates a mental distance between the setback and our self-identity, enabling a more reasoned response.
Beyond the brain science, I developed this concept as a constructive way to approach challenges. It’s about pivoting and opening up possibilities for new ideas, opportunities, and paths forward. It encourages us to view setbacks as stepping-stones, guiding our focus toward future goals that align with our values.
Loving the Life That Unfolds
When you live by your values, you’re not just chasing goals—you’re crafting a life that truly reflects who you are. As Joseph Campbell wisely said,
"We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us."
Life doesn’t always go as expected. Holding too tightly to empty goals can leave you feeling unfulfilled, even if you achieve them.
But when your goals are rooted in what truly matters, they give your life a deeper purpose. This changes how you see your journey. Suddenly, every step, even the ones that don’t go as planned, holds more meaning.
When your actions align with your core values, even unmet goals add something valuable to your story. This approach allows you to live a life connected - to who you are, to the people who matter most, and to the world around you. You’re more able to laugh at life’s twists and turns, handle the chaos with confidence, and find joy in every moment.
Resources:
For more strategies on dealing with failure listen to Dot to Dot podcast episode You Plan. Life Laughs. Coping with Failure
For more on exploring your values and how to live life aligned to them try my book Defining You Build Your Unique Personal Profile and Unlock Your True Potential
For exercises to discover your values (from Positive Psychology) go here.
References:
Doing Good, Feeling Good? Entrepreneurs’ Social Value Creation Beliefs and Work‐Related Well‐Being
Origins of Purpose in Life: Refining our Understanding of a Life Well Lived
Using the Science of Meaning to Invigorate Values-Congruent Purpose-Driven Action
Image: Pixels.com Tom Fisk
