Fiona Murden
Becoming who we are.
We all do our best with what we know.
But learning how to be human?
That’s the part no one really teaches us.
We’re expected to navigate emotion, relationships, pressure, identity, and change as if these things are instinctive.
They’re not.
They’re learned - often indirectly, and rarely revisited.
How we actually learn
Most of what shapes us is learned indirectly from the people around us, the systems we grow up in, and the roles we adapt to.
What helps us cope early on, often becomes what limits us later.
Why this matters now
As life gets faster, noisier, and more demanding, these early patterns matter more, not less.
They shape how we decide, relate, lead, recover, and make sense of ourselves, especially under pressure.
Making human skills learnable
My work is about taking the parts of being human we usually pick up by accident, and making them visible, understandable, and learnable.
Not to change who people are, but to give them more choice in how they live.
That’s where Defining You comes in.
Defining You is a psychologically grounded framework for understanding who you are, how you develop, and how you navigate change over time.
It’s designed to help you make sense of yourself in motion, not as a fixed identity, but as someone shaped by experience, context, and relationship.
It allows you to learn and develop human skills but within the context of your life, your story and who you are.
Explore the Defining You program
As featured in
I’m Fiona Murden,
A psychologist and author deeply interested in how people become who they are.
For over twenty years, my work has involved watching how humans develop in real lives, real systems, and real relationships. I’ve profiled and worked with people across leadership, sport, medicine, the creative industries, and education, paying attention to the patterns that repeat regardless of context.
What those years have made clear is this: we place enormous demands on people, to decide well, relate well, adapt, lead, and create, without ever teaching the human capacities those demands rely on.
This work turns human capacities into learnable skills, shaping how we live, work, and build the future together.
Defining You sits at the centre of this work because it gives people a stable way of understanding themselves over time.
By holding this work in a single, coherent framework, people can access it more easily, remember it under pressure, and apply it across life, work, and change. It becomes something they return to, not something they complete.
Just exploring? Start here…
Podcast – Dot to Dot
Real conversations with psychologists, thinkers, creators, and everyday people about the connections, challenges, and stories that make us human.Books – Defining You & Mirror Thinking
Practical psychology to help you understand yourself, connect with others, and reach your potential.Substack & Blog
Reflections, tools, and stories on what it takes to feel whole and live well under pressure.Speaking & Media
Contact us for more info.